When I saw you I was afraid to meet you.

When I saw you I was afraid to meet you. When I met you I was afraid to kiss you. When I kissed you I was afraid to love you.


Now that I love you, I am afraid to lose you. I was afraid in taking the first step at love in the first place. I took a risk and chance, in loving you. Now that I got you it’s all that I ever think about. I’m afraid of losing you, now that i got you.

WENT

Went to the doctor's i was right (going back may 10)
need to go to eye doctor
computer at school messed up can not use drogon
go a PDA
far behide in school work
should be in bed by now
still not my normal self
have a surpise my friends and family lol they are going to be shocked and it has nothing to do with my grades in school
60 70 80 dance on may 30 money goes to cansor
may 8 wedding also grad dance but not and can not go
i am surpise no one has commented on my last blog post

UH-OH

mom and dad yelling and fighting
not eating as much can not eat food like used too stumick is is very mest up
have a lot of school work to catch up on
shopping maybe on sunday for a outfit for a wedding
have to see if dylan can go cause his dinner is already paid for and can not get money and no one else can go.(****)
plus can not see dylan until school ends
so hard (i have not gone 16 days with out him)
it is almost all i can think about
want to lose 20lb got to workout
so much problems
stress
i want to be happy again but everytime i am it just keep coming back
GRRRR F**** so mad and sad

stayed

stayed home today
feel little better not in as much pain today
went for a long talk today felt good to get out of the house

68 more days
i'm going to keep count until 4 are left

it is going to be hard for me so hard
love u pumpkin<3

only

today i only ate 2 grenol bar and maybe dinner
drinking a lot

not myself

not myself
tired hard to keep my eyes open i think it is from all my tears:'(
i am not talking as much as i used to, actually i have not talked at all inless i need to like only when a teacher asks me to.
i do not feel happy
i do not want to smile
i do not want to be at school
pain not going to be at school tomorrow
i am afaired to cry at school but it is hard to keep it in

he does not know

i am crying now and will when this comes to mind
looks like i will be out of tears before the day dies
i cried today
i cried yesterday
it hurt so much
but he does not know
how much it hurts me
he think it is teaching his step son a lesson but he is actually killing me

DON'T WANT TO

don't want to eat, play, go to school, talk, be happy
i just want to lay in bed do nothing.
lay in bed under the covers just lay there
cause there is nothing worth doing any more
just lay in bed like i am dead
no msn no facebook no friends no phone no going anywhere
just in my bed in the dark
like death